I haven't been doing much lately but sleeping and helping my dad (and the business he works for) make these paper clippy angels. I've had shingles, which I first got about 20 years ago-wow, the way I mark milestones...I can't believe that Christmas is a little over a week away. I got paid like $10 for helping with the angels, so I was able to order cheap but cool gifts for my parents tonight on www.etsy.com. I adore that site-they have the coolest stuff and you can find anything! I used to love Christmas so much because I absolutely delighted in finding the coolest, best, just tailor made gift for each person, and for the last three years I haven't been able to buy gifts for any occasions-the holidays, birthdays, Mother's or Father's days, etc. It kills me-I used to always go over budget getting gifts for my siblings, nieces, friends, etc. and now-I can't ever buy a card. I had to tell my mom I was ordering gifts and ask for her credit card so I could even order the stuff. I feel like I'm 13!
Since my nerve block shots last Monday, they have really helped in those specific areas, so yay. Some other news that is good but for me very hard and bittersweet to swallow has caused a lot of stress, which I think brought on the stupid shingles. And the news is about a relative-and I'm thrilled for them-but sad on many levels. I can't explain why until they announce it-so until them, mum is the damn word.
I feel so alone this year-losing two close friends due to me being sick really hurt, and it being the 3rd year I've been here somehow seems so much longer than 2 years. Not to be negative, but I see no huge treatment options that will suddenly change the fact that I will probably be with my parents for a good while longer. I'm lonely. I'm depressed. I miss going out with friends; dating; a first kiss with someone; having a crush; even just going shopping. I'm so lucky to have good doctors, clean water, all that stuff, but at times the loneliness overwhelms me and the holiday commercials just make it worse. I want to just lock myself in a room with commercial free TV, Netflix, Chai the bunny and Zoe the cat.
To those of you reading-if anyone is-happy holidays-and I wish you the complete opposite of every feeling I feel right now! I hate to be a scrooge for anyone else's holidays. xxx, witty gritty invisible girl
No comments:
Post a Comment